"Lighting a firecracker in your ass, and other stupid things...."

Briton hurt after lighting firecracker in buttocks....is what I saw, what I thought was....no shit! I mean, come one, who WOULDN"T get hurt if they lit their own ass up with a firecracker? The next improbable headline was ...eunuchs start collecting taxes in India. HUH? Ok, so they have eunuchs collecting taxes, the funny thing is the reason they are using them, which is that they are supposedly very , very persuasive, and refuse to take no for an answer.

I wouldn't know, I have never met a eunuch. Of course, I've met plenty of men I'd like to turn into eunuchs, but that's a whole other story.

Ok, on to the story of how I burned my own bum with a firecracker.

At the ripe old age of 18, I was with a friend, and we were most likely drinking (NOT that I advocate drinking & driving) as we were also driving down the road. Actually it was I-126 aka Malfunction Junction. We were right about where that picture was taken, but on the other side of the road. Well, it was late at night, therefore very dark and I was dared to light a firecracker and throw it out onto the road...I don't remember the name of them, but when you lit them, they popped, but also spun around making all kinds of noise and turned different colours. I thought for a sec and then thought, "Cool, ok". No one was around, no cars....we were the only ones on the road that I could see.

So, I rolled my window down a bit and lit the first one.....tossed it out the window to watch it in the rearview mirror as it spun and changed colours as I drove away. OMG! I sooooo had to do that again. Grabbed another, lit it.....TOSS.....OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!! It hit the window, fell onto the car seat BETWEEN MY LEGS! I jumped (sort of) but when I lifted my butt up my legs bumped into the steering wheel and I sat....back....down.

Yes, I sat back down ON THE FIRECRACKER! Oh My Goodness!. Quickly pulling off to the side of the road, getting out of the car, my ass was ON FIRE! Oh God! It burned, oh hell, it hurt so bad. I got out of the car, poured some sort of cold liquid on my butt, and danced around like an Indian doing a rain dance for awhile until I calmed down enough to let my friend drive me home, where we proceeded to peel off my jeans (my fav pair btw) and had to get a pair of tweezers so she could pick the small remaining bits of jean material out of my butt. Tha's right, it burnt the material into my butt. We washed it and such, it wasn't a really bad burn, but I still have a very small scar to remind me what NOT to do with a firecracker. To this day, I have not gone very near them, preferring to only see them at special events where there are specialists whose job is to play with them.

So, there you have it....one of my most humiliating stories from being a stupid teenager. I swear, no matter how much money I could be offered, I'd never go back to being one of those pitiful creatures.