Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
My .... Frickin frackin, goshdarn farkin PARENTS have gotten back together!!! I'm horrified, mortified, and every other absofuckinggoddamnedlutely -FIED you can possibly think of.
Oh yeah, Mom said it's because she no longer feels bitter so now it's all OK. WHAT THE FUCK???????
What part of "Dad has not changed ANY since she's been gone" has she forgotten? Her answer? She can help him.
Please oh PLEASE someone deliver me from codependency hell before I lose my mind....again. Yeah, you know you thought that "again" part, didn't ya'll? LMAO
At this moment I shall say no more, except I think my sense of humour just might be returning.
I promised myself I would NOT write another poor me my life sucks nobody loves me no one understands why don't she write kind of post. Enuff wallowing, done over gone.
Love to you all for putting up with a dumbass like me for a half assed worthless blogger that I....pfffft fuck, ok last time I do that. pinky swear.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
I have some very good reasons, though. I haven't known quite what to say or what, if anything, I should post about. To say that there have been some personal issues would be an understatement.
About 2 months ago, my parents who have been married for 41 years separated. My dad, as I've written about before, is a very difficult person to live with. He was, and still is, a manipulative bully that always thinks he's right...about everything.
My mom finally had enough and asked him to leave...he refused, but luckily my sister and brother-in-law were there at the time and reinforced her decision to have him leave on that night. In fact, they (my parents) had been visiting my sister and brother-in-law and they were coming back from Florida and apparently dad was a real jerk on the way home and I suppose that was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak, and so since his clothes were already packed, all he had to do was get in his car and go.
For now, he is staying with one of his sisters and my uncle and my mom is at home. Dad still kind of comes and goes as he pleases, which is a serious point of contention since they have been counseled and it was agreed that he would call mom before he came over. He says that no one is going to tell HIM he cannot go to his own home whenever he wants to. *sigh*.
He needs some real therapy, and some anger management therapy on top of it all. He just can't see that he hurt us (my sisters, my mom and I) and continues to hurt us. He thinks that everyone is against him but what he just doesn't get is that we WANT him to get help and we WANT our parents together. Even mom wants him to come home, but not until he sees that the way he has treated us and her all our lives was wrong.
He doesn't know what love is or even how to love. He thinks love is controlling everything and everyone in his life and if they don't do what he wants then they suffer his rage. Rage that gets out of control to the point of physical and verbal abuse.
I truly love my dad, and though I am trying not to take sides and have told him that I'm not, it's so easy to understand my mom's and be angry with dad. Right now I can't even talk to him because he is so toxic to my life.
Even though over the years I begged mom to leave him or make him leave, which she refused to do (because of us mainly) and because she thought she was doing the right thing by staying by his side to support him and help him, even though she finally did make him leave, it still hurts me to see them going through this. It hurts because I want a loving family. I want the family that I never had. I want this to be a wake up call to my dad so that he can get the help he needs so that we can be the type of family that discusses things together, not what we have always had which has been conflict, strife, abuse, and pain.
At this point, I'm not holding out much hope that dad will get his shit together and take responsibility for his actions, both past and present, and stop blaming everyone but himself for his problems. Mom is kind of taking it slowly and I don't think she will take the first step towards divorce, though. I think she is waiting to see what will happen.
To me, this is just not on. I think she should file separation papers and get on with things to force the issue with dad, but she says she's trusting in the lord to make things right and if dad doesn't make any changes then he will be the one that makes the moves. I honestly don't believe that he will, though. He's just not like that and it's just not his way. He waits for others to make the first move then blames them for not doing what he wants.
I don't know what else to say right now, except I'm seeing a therapist....well, I've been seeing one for a long while now to deal with those childhood issues so they stop affecting my life. I feel betrayed, confused, and then again I'm also GLAD they aren't together anymore and deep down I hope mom does get a divorce from him so she can finally have a peaceful life without all the shit dad brings to a relationship.
I guess that since I've been through a divorce, but then I'd been thinking about it for quite a long time before I did anything about it, I understand why mom is holding out hope.
My phone bill is pretty high, instead of 5-8 hours of phone calls per month to my family it's more like 5-10 hours per week now...slowly going down since I'm not calling mom every single day to make sure she's ok. Even though she instigated the separation, she's taking this very, very hard as she wants more than anything to have back the man she married.
Namaste to you all
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
It's made with black rice and I have some but haven't had a clue as to what to do with it. Sometimes I pick things up in the Asian grocery store and then come home to look for something to do with it...yes, yes, I do mean as in look for a recipe to use whatever food product I've bought. It isn't like I string raw black rice around the house for the hell of it, though it might make a pretty cool mixed media painting.
Hrmmmmm, decorating with rice...will have to give that some thought.
..... and it's called bread. I finally got my new Tefal bread maker and boy oh boy does is work like a charm!
The hardest part is getting a good recipe though, so I thought I'd share. This recipe will work in at least 3 ways - with herbs, with milk, with water - so you can try it and see what you think.
I'm going to call this Kimmie's Bread because I've made some changes to suit me and it works all 3 ways, it's a superb loaf of bread, though smaller than most at 600 grams. My bread maker has settings for 750g or 1000g.
Anywho, here's the recipe
235 ml milk or water (I think milk makes a better crust)
45 ml extra virgin Olive oil
6 g sugar
.4 g Italian seasoning
.5 g black pepper (preferably freshly ground)
3 g dried rosemary
340 g bread flour
6 g dried yeast
place on white bread cycle and I put mine on medium crust as the light seems to be slightly underdone. Place all ingredients into bread maker in that order, making sure that the salt and sugar do NOT touch the yeast as it won't rise properly.
To make a plain loaf of white bread, just leave out the herbs but still keep the salt and sugar. If you use milk, use whole or full cream milk as skim or light will make the bread too dense.
This is the most awesome bread I've ever made! It tastes a bit like Carrabba's bread with the herbs already in it and all you need to do is spread a little butter on it or dip into olive oil to enjoy.
Tonight I made a meatball sub with it by toasting the bread (cut slightly thicker than a normal size slice - about 1/2 inch thick), then heated my meatballs in the nuker, spread leftover spaghetti sauce onto the bread (also had been heated in nuker), topped with meatballs cut in half - IKEA meatballs are a freezer staple in our house - roll up the sides and munch away!!!!!
Talk about yummay! Twas awesome in the most awesome way. Some days I rock.
PS: The picture is one I gleaned from the net just cuz it looked so yummy, that is not my bread...just so ya know, ya know?
Monday, May 26, 2008
Cheese and crackers I could burst. Some days I could eat cheese until I die, I just love the stuff. Lately I've been hooked on string cheese....it's just big enough to satisfy me at tea time with a cup of cream of chicken soup.
Tonight I had Tasty cheese with saltines...Yummmmm!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
.... either crazy or one pretty decent cook. I'm no chef or gourmand though I do love gourmet foods, and have even eaten sweetbreads - cooked by my cousin who is a real true life chef.
This past few weeks I have been trying some new stuff to add to the "easy to cook" repertoire. You the the one, it's those recipes that you can fall back on when you don't really have much to cook around or aren't sure what you really are in the mood for, etc.
This particular recipe is not in that list, but only because duck is apparently quite expensive here. C~ paid $16.00 for a 1.6 kg duck a couple of weeks ago and that was a special from a local butcher (but I'll check out other butchers to see if I can get one cheaper later). Anyway, it's quite simple and I adapted it from a recipe I found online, all because I couldn't find my allspice or sage LOL!
Duck a la Kimmie or we could call the Super Cool & Tasty Canard....I like that better.
1 cup of softened butter
3 tsp dried Herbs de Provence
1 tsp salt - regular table salt will suffice but real sea salt is better ( I prefer Celtic sea salt I crush myself)
Mix herbs and salt into butter thoroughly, preheat oven to 210F or 100C, place herb butter onto baking paper or cling wrap and roll into small roll, twist ends to keep butter from sliding out and place into fridge until solid again. Or you can stick into freezer for about 10 minutes which is the quick way (what I do lol).
Make sure to pat duck dry, remove any giblets if any are there, those can be placed in the baking dish for extra flavour or if you're like me, feed 'em to the dog or cat. Keep the neck, though, that's the tastiest of all and your canine or feline will love you for it later *grin*.
Ok, back to cooking. Place duck into suitable baking dish, get messy and put your hands into that butter and rub all over duck (don't forget to tuck the wings under the duck either - it just makes it look nice). Now stick it in the oven and forget about it for about 4 and 1/2 hours. Take a look, should still look uncooked :P lol, yes that's right, because it won't be. This is the time to take a knife and slash those drumsticks and then baste with all the cool juices in the pan, make sure to suck the juices out of the cavity (with the baster not your lips you nut!) or tip the pan slightly to drain them out....those are GOOD JUICES, even if they look yucky, 'k?
Turn heat up to 180C or 400F for about 1 more hour or until juices run clear when thighs are pricked and it's nice and golden brown.
Ok, so that's a bunch of directions for a little duck with some herb butter slathered over it, and yep that's all it is, but it's something you can do on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon while you're doing other stuff, just set a timer or something to remind you to turn up the heat and baste that sucker! Trust me, this is one duck you will love. I'm not a huge duck fan, or even a fan or dark meat, and a duck is both of those things but this is one of those recipes that had me gnawing on the leg and thigh bones, licking my fingers and being totally socially unacceptable, thank God I was in my own home!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Don't get me wrong, I like my job, I just hate working. Why oh why can't we get paid to not work? Guess that's one of the mysteries of life. It's also why we will be able to buy a house - because if I work I get paid, hence money for house. Not that I'm the only one working, C~ is too. I guess I'm just sad that it's 6 pm, time for supper, haven't a clue what it will be, need to feed Tiger and then I'll be going to bed around 9 pm.
Not much time left....
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Ok so I'm the female one and C~ is the male one. He has had this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad chest infection that nearly sounds like peenew-MOH-nee-I-ay, but thank the Spaghetti Monstah there's no phlegm, cuz pneumonia phlegm is nasty, nasty stuff.
I should know, I've had it 3 damn times.
Anywho, He's much better but still has yucky hacking cough and moi....well, I have been blessed with a UTI. For the uninitiated, that's Urinary Tract Infection.
Apparently it can happen when one starts taking Pilates and Body Balance classes due to the exercises used ummmm well, to strengthen those muscles you know... down there (stage whisper).
I'm on my second go round of antibiotics, and to top this incredibly terrrible, horrible, no good, very bad week off!!!! Tiger is dirty and I mean so dirty that he has itty bitty mats of hairs stuck together all over him from getting hot, getting in his pool, then rolling in the loverly dirt under the house. If I didn't love him so much I'd go outside and hose him down in ice cold water from the tap, of course, I'd also have to have a hose too, but since we use buckets. You got it, I gotta stick him in da bafftub and baff his dirty bod and I just cannot do it at 8 pm, nor could I have done it when I got home at 5 pm either so, he'll have to wait till Saturday. Tough titties, Tigerman, you rolled in it you gotta live wid it till mummeh sez yoo getz cleen.
Peee Essss: I found mai bukkit!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
I can't wait to see what is going to happen next! I know American consumers are complaining that gas prices are the highest they've been since Katrina hit, but imagine how the rest of the world feels when we are paying double!
It's made me seriously consider looking at a hybrid. But then again I just love the Smart Car, but it seems that they are no longer either making or selling the Forfour Smart Car which is definitely what I'd need. Hey, I've got a greyhound and well, even curled up I don't think he'd go for sitting in the front seat of a Smart For2. But I CAN get a used ForFour for around $17K, and a Honda Civic Hybrid is around $32K, with the Prius about 5 grand more than that.
If I just were to go for looks, great car all around I'd give my left pinky toe for a Citroen C6 which I think is about the sexiest car on the planet.
Yup A Citroen, I can soooo see myself driving that one, can't you?
Friday, April 11, 2008
see more loldogs ask - i can has hotdog?
This is also what I probably look like after today as well. No worky for pay day, but worky for everything ELSE in the Bloody Damn Universe Day! Ha! Bumhug! I am the evil grinch starting early this year, if they keep pissing me off they get either coal in their stocking or greyhound poo in their wooden shoes for Chrissy. I'm checking that list thrice my pretties.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
I did take a break this week as my IBS has been acting up and it's just not all that fun to be in the middle of a really cool warrior pose, get an odd look on your face as the pain (not from the warrior pose) rips right through you and have to exit as FAST and discreetly as I possibly can then haul boogie downstairs to the locker room.
So, yeah, I think I'll wait till Friday when I'm off, have a REAL psychologist appt, then a massage a little later and I think after that I might be up for a Pilates class, if not the main one I'm aiming for is a Fitness Core class which all activities are performed on those half ball shaped thingies in bare feet, supposed to be great for postural muscles and feet muscles too....oh yeah, just what I REALLY always wanted - muscular feet Pfffffffttt. Hey if if makes me have better balance then I'm all for it.
That's what these classes are all about anyway. Making me feel a bit better about myself by seeing improvements, and I am seeing improvement with each class I can do something that I couldn't do in the previous class and that is WAY cool in my book. The other motivator is that I wear the tightest clothing (comfy of course) so I can see myself in the mirror and push myself to NOT look the way I look now at some point in the near future, not that I feel I'm disgustingly fat but I am not happy at all with the way my body has changed since my surgery.
I'm also self correcting my posture as I walk, work, stand, or whatever I'm doing I keep remembering to keep the old hips neutral, shoulders back and low, pulling my shoulder blades down at the same time. It's cool and keep pulling for me. I've been a little "off" this week but I'm having a vegetarian Indian meal to make up for it *grin*.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Yup I can cook with the best of 'em. Just ask anyone, provided it ain't my Dear Hubby who isn't a fan of veggies even if they do have sugar up the wazzoo!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Since I habs no pitchers to show of my sticking my fingers under turkey skin to slide lemon slices underneath it, I am showing pics of the Spectacular Petacular Tiger and I spent last Sunday at promoting Greyhounds as Pets. As you can see from the pics below, no dogs were harmed in the making of these pics.
In fact, Tiger was getting a bit of a massage since he was so worn out from all the hugs, kisses, and general lub from all he could get any and all.
He does look stressed out, doesn't he? LOL! More like, po'd I'd stopped rubbing his leg.
And now for the pic of Brooke, Snooks is in her lap, and Gracie aka Baby Snorks is on her left.
Brooke and I had an agreement, she wanted American style dinner of the Thanksgiving or Easter sort and I had a turkey breast languishing in the frigamerator so I said, sure we'll do it, but ya gotta help me cook it! We had so much fun!!!!!! What a blast! She made the sweet potato soufflé all by herself! It even had marshmallows on it, it was sad yet so cool at the same time since the marshmallows here are white and pink.
We kept it simple. Turkey with fig & hazelnut stuffing, Emeril's Cajun oystah dressing, and a humongous salad with home made honey mustard dressing, I must admit, we were also gonna have Brussels sprouts but in all the excitement we forgot. Trust me, there was MORE than enough! I made her take most of it home with her! Hehehehehe, now she'll know the horrors of leftovers for days, and days, and days LOL :)
We got to play with all the cool kitchen implements like the food processor for making home made bread crumbs, and the mortar and pestle for crunching and grinding up nuts n stuffs. Then we ate like the little piggies we are and I'll be paying for it at the gym for the rest of the week, dont'cha know?
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Hey! No laughing! Butt muskel cramps no feel good! I've also done some rowing (on a machine not on a lake or anything cool) and lots and LOTS of walking on the treadmill. I feel powerfully inept when in the classes and pretty cool when I'm walking on the 'mill....just not near anyone running full out LOL!
Emotionally, it's been a bit of a roller coaster. I saw the counselor provided by work again this week, but didn't feel I accomplished much...it felt more like I was just chatting with someone new and telling them about my week. So next visit will be devoted to strictly one topic - the ex. Gawd, that's going to suck but I suppose I need to get quite a few things off my chest. I've just never really talked about how I felt about the whole shebang.
It's easy to say "get over it" or "move on" but it just isn't that easy. Well, perhaps it's easy for some people to just let things go and never revisit them again, but I'm not like that. I tend to examine them, turn them over and try to make sense of things...even if it is painful. Which is what I need to work on, the coping with the painful stuff. I'm coped out at this point.
But I still feel positive. I am also quite grateful to my sister who I woke up around 3 am her time to talk because I just HAD to talk to someone!!!!!!!! Thanks, sis! You're the best!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Anywho, we decided to have a nice dinner of steaks (well trimmed with little fat and VERY thin, almost see through kind on thin, but hey, they were still steaks). Plus I had some mushrooms I needed to use up, so sauteed them with a bit o gahlic buttah and celtic sea salt. Can you say, "yummy in da tummy?"
Anyway, it's easy, so easy in fact I'mma gibs ya da recipe for Tabasco Steaks with Watercress Butter. Don't let the Tabasco part scare you, I used the green Tabasco since it's milder in heat and longer on flavour - at least to my taste buds.
1 bunch watercress
85 grams unsalted butter
4 sirloin steaks (or your choice)
4 tsp Tabasco sauce
salt and pepper (to your taste)
Finely chop watercress till you have about 4 TBSP worth and maybe a little extra for garnish if you're into that sorta thing.
Fill small bowl with butter and either allow to soften or nuke in the microwave a few secs till sufficiently soft. Mix watercress into butter until well incorporated, spoon mix onto either greaseproof paper or cling wrap and roll up into a cute little sausage like roll and pop into the fridge to cool until needed (once the steaks are cooked).
Sprinkle each steak with about 1 tsp of the tabasco sauce, rubbing in well and season with salt and pepper.
Cook steaks on a griddle, grill, grill pan, or whatever method you choose over high heat until done to your liking. Transfer steaks to plate, garnish with watercress butter and sprinkle a few of the reserved leaves on. Voila! You now have a steak you shall remember fondly for quite some time!
Monday, March 03, 2008
From what I could tell it was a really good one - I have experience from videos and books before, but never in a class with a bunch of other people and an instructor pushing me.
Anywho, I can already tell my tummy and arse are gonna be killing me in the ayem...and probably the peeyem as well....hell, it ALREADY hurts!!!!!!!! Ok, so maybe not hurts so much as sore at the moment. But you can bet you sweet little tushies I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth, the sympathy that is, which I don't think there will be much of since my friends at work are all taking dance classes or work out at their own gyms.
I haven't yet decided to join this particular gym, but it's an all womens one with nice facilities, etc, but I'd like to look at one with the same facilities plus a pool. I like to swim and it'd be great for my back, too.
Ok, going before I melt off the chair and end up in a puddle sleeping with Tigez on the floor.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
I can deal with sleepiness during the day, especially while I'm at work but I can't deal with waking up disoriented and barely being able to crawl out of the bed. I can say that I don't feel stressed or anxious...perhaps I'm just too darn tired LOL!
So, that's it for me this ayem...mayhap a little more later if the mood descends upon me once again.
I DID promise myself I'd write more, and so I am.
Friday, February 29, 2008
S0, for this up coming Easter I have decided a few things. First I am having guests over...at the moment it only consists of one other couple (one other I invited can't make it due to camping schedule conflicts - BOO!). Anywho, we are going to attempt another turkey and some cool dressing or stuffing of some sort. I am waiting for my sister to send me her sweet potato soufflé with coconut recipe (HINT HINT!!!!!! This means get on the ball, Miss Erin!). We shall have the obligatory broccoli casserole and a nice green salad with home made honey mustard dressing (C~ prefers to put that on his turkey as opposed to gravy) and I think I shall try to dig up the Emeril Lagasse creole or cajun oyster dressing.
It seems that I must cook to impress, cuz Brooke insists she is dying to try some awful gooey dessert stuff that is affectionately known as sweet potato soufflé (gag me with a ginsu, why don't ya?) I WILL make it, but it doesn't mean I'll like it LMAO!!!!! I am sorry if I offend lovers of the loverley sweet tater concoction out there, but for me, all they need is a little buttah, forget all that othuh stuff....HUNNEH!
I'm pretty sure that THIS is the recipe I'll use for the oyster dressing
Monday, February 25, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
I've been thinking about my Great grandmother quite a bit lately. She is 101 and will be 102 in October of this year. This is a picture of her on her 100th birthday (and a gratuitous shot of my hunky cousin Jeremy hugging her).
She does quite well, lives alone but has either my great aunt Sylvia (Granny's younger daughter) or my grandmother, whom we call Mamaw who is the elder of the two daughters.
Anyway, Granny usually has either one of them stay with her or she stays at their homes.
Granny is quite independent, even being blind from macular degeneration and having a bad knee, she still gets around well enough to be able to cook, garden, and care for herself. Her mind is as sharp as ever and I miss her terribly.
The reason she is my hero is because of the incredible life she's lead. She was sort of engaged to a young man who never asked her to marry him...so they didn't marry, and instead she married my great grandfather, Levi. I'm told it was a whirlwind romance of 3 days - though this story varies depending on who is telling it.
Being born in 1906, she didn't have the benefit of modern conveniences, clothes washed by hand and all those other things we take for granted. At one point she and granddaddy owned a gas station, then granddaddy worked for the railroad and Granny went to work at Belk's department store. I believe she was there over 30 years.
After she retired, she went to work for my uncle washing dishes at his restaurant....I think she did this until she was in her mid 80's, perhaps even later. I'll have to ask her when I call her this weekend. She kept driving until she was about 95 when her macular degeneration got too bad, though she'd only driven during the day for many many years - I think she had trouble seeing at night due to cataracts that were of course removed in her 70's giving her 20/20 vision!
She dealt with a hard drinking husband who passed away in 1976, she bore 2 daughters, has 6 grand children, 16 great-grand children, and there are somewhere around 10 or 12 great-great-grandchildren, once again....it's way too many to keep count since I'm not very close to a few of my cousins and don't know exactly how many children they have....plus there might be a step-child or two involved as well.
Granny is amazing! The most amazing thing though is that just before I moved here, my Aunt Sylvia took me aside and told me that if I didn't already know it then she figured she should tell me how hard it was going to be on Granny for me to leave...because I was her favorite.
Whaaaaaa??????? Ok, I've come to terms with it now, but talk about shock! I've never been anyone's favorite anything. But knowing I was Granny's favorite great-grandchild made me feel something special. It's not a thing I can describe. It isn't tangible. It's just there.
If from this point on in life I was alone, I would still know that I'm loved by the one person who has had the most impact on my life. Heck, this is the lady that taught me that "you KNOW collard greens are done 'cuz they look slick".
Ok, so that doesn't mean much to most people, but when one's Granny teaches you to cook by taste, touch, smell, and sight it means a hell of a lot.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Today I saw my new therapist for the first time. We seemed to hit it off quite well and talked for well over an hour and a half. He didn't suggest I journal or anything but gave me some things to think about until our next visit in 3 weeks.
So, I figured I would do my exploring here. It's as good a place as any and I can certainly type much faster than I write.
I expect some things to be a little painful, some to be disconcerting and others to probably be kind of funny. I also expect that going through the memories may make me feel a bit angry, sad or frustrated at times. But as I've said before, I'm going to keep at it. Hopefully I will be able to finally come to terms with a few things. My Therapist, lets give him a cool nickname...how about Freud? Ok Freud it is. He said that he feels he can help to change some of my perceptions about certain events or actions of others. If nothing else, give me things to think about in between sessions.
So far, I feel slightly more energetic...I'm hoping it will stay this way or even get a little better, if not I may suggest trying one of the new SNRI's instead of the SSRI I'm on at the moment. The problem with that is that since this is Australia certain ones aren't available here yet. Anywho, the only reason I bring that up is that I'd forgotten that some SSRI's (which I'm on one of them now) cause anxiety and, well....docs don't' really like prescribing a whole bunch of Valium and I also don't like taking it on a regular basis. I mean hell, it's GREAT for when I fly on planes and when I'm pretty highly stressed (ie, not very damn often) and need to relax a bunch before I get a massage but I don't really want to take it every day. So, we'll see what we shall see.
I'm keeping on keeping on.
Ta ta till later,
keep rooting, errrr I mean cheering for me. In case you aren't sure why I changed that from rooting to cheering, check Aussie slang for root :P
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I've had times like this in the past, times I can look back on and think Yep, THAT was the turning point. I'll never forget one of the most poignant was back in 97, when I discovered the ex was cheating on me. I remember looking in the mirror and what I saw scared the hell out of me... my eyes looked dead, just totally lifeless and I thought to myself, "This is the beginning of the end", and it was. How weird it it that I can remember the exact thoughts that ran through my mind at the time?
Anyway, back to this weekend. I've kept busy, cooked a bit. Made chicken and dumplings yesterday - home made dumplings with my own herbs... sage, basil, and chives that I grew here this year for the first time. Couldn't grow tomatoes for shit but the herbs came out great! I made a pan of lasagna tonight... C~ has never had lasagna made with ricotta cheese before. Here I guess everyone uses a bechamel sauce. It isn't that I don't like bechamel sauce but I prefer ricotta in lasagna, the way it was made when I was growing up.
As for sleep, I'm doing well considering I'm off the sleeping tablets - for the first time in 2 yrs. Back home I just took Melatonin tabs, but they aren't available in Oz (except in homeopathic strength which do nothing for me) so I'd been taking a Tricyclic antidepressant which has been used for ages as a sleep aid, and it also helps with back pain...but not so much here lately. So I've swapped to OTC Unisom tabs which are basically benadryl to see how I go with that since taking the TCA isn't recommended with Prozac - yup I'm taking Prozac. I've taken it before with good success and my only side effect was slightly elevated cholesterol, so we'll see how I go this time. I also start seeing a therapist this week.
Yes, I have issues. Don't we all? I think my issues have just come back to haunt me for a little while, at least I hope so...the little while bit, I don't like being haunted by anything LOL! Haven't had anymore nightmares since Thursday - Thank God! Those puppies were getting a tad too disturbing for my taste. Heck ANY dream with my ex in it is a nightmare, but when it gets to the point I'm dreaming he's holding me hostage and I'm trying to kill him with my bare hands....well enough already.
Yeah the dreams were so bad I wasn't getting more than 2 hours sleep at a time , my IBS kicked up full throttle - which it hasn't done in nearly 5 years - and on top of everything I got my period!!!! FRACKIN HELLFIRE!!!!!!! Can you say, "Straw that broke the camel's back?"
So anywho, I'm taking the tiger by the tail...and NO not MY Tiger silly goose, THE tiger and I swear I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel....errrr maybe that's a speck of dust? Not sure, but Imma keep going anyway.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
As for this year, I am finally facing up to the fact that I am depressed *sigh*. I should have done something sooner but , of course, waited until it jumped up and bit me on the ass, that DAMN black dog bites hard too! I've been ruminating since I saw Amy's post about it and what she has done so far to help herself and I feel so dumb for waiting.
So, today (after missing a week from work) I appeared at my GP's office and as soon as I sat down I started blubbering like a fool, I'd just had it up to HERE with my so called coping skills. I'm damned coped out. So, we have decided on a course of meds to help a little and also agreed that I will be seeing a psychologist, just have to wait for him to call me back to find out what I need to do since I will be going through the Employee Assistance programme that's been set up for Q. Health employees.
I hate taking medicine, hate it hate it hate it! But if it will help I'm all for it at this point as I just cannot go on. My creativeness has been on the fritz for many months now, I haven't been able to write, I haven't been myself and I want to get back to being ME. You know, the old sarcastic pain in the ass, me. Nevertheless it is me. I want to be creative again. I need to write, I need to do something. I don't want my blog to just disappear because I made a promise to myself that I would not start something and abandon it as I have projects in the past.
So, I'm here promising myself again that I will do whatever it takes, I won't stop until I can be as normal as I possibly can be - for me that just means being able to put more than 3 words together at one time. I've had a spell where sometimes I can't string 3 words together, make complete sentences, etc. I've been too scattered, unable to concentrate, and I am going to fix that asap.
So, now I'm going to check out this cool new recipe I'm going to make for C~ tonight, something about Asian grilled chicken in pitas. Sounds nice and easy to fix, hey?
Baby steps, one day at a time...Imma keep slugging away till I'm cruising.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
I love greyhounds. I'm sure you've figured that out by now. My boy Tiger is the best! He loves me unconditionally, licks my plate clean when I'm finished eating, and snuggles up to me in bed at night and keeps me warm. I only wish he would grow longer so he could keep my feet was warm as my hands. Hahaha.
I swear, I get the coldest hands and feet at night and no matter what I do, I can't seem to warm them up. Tiger is a great bed warmer and doesn't mind when I slide my cold hands under his chest, or take his paws in my hands to warm up. There have been times in which he's been lying near my feet and I've slid my toesies underneath him for warmth.
Just love this video and thought I'd share. There's nothing better than the love and trust of a dog. When I die, I want to go wherever the animals are.
Friday, January 25, 2008
C~ and I have been doing this thing each month where we decide just before the first of the month what we will be having each night, with a few "free nights" thrown in for leftovers and when we just don't feel like cooking. So, after planning 4 weeks meals in advance, C~ does all the shopping for everything except the perishables and it's cut our monthly grocery bill significantly and all we have to do each week is buy eggs, bread, milk, fruit, and veg. Oh yeah, and stuff we may have forgotten but we are getting much better at it. February will be our 4th month at it.
Anyway, back to da beans! Pinto beans aren't exactly a huge item here in Oz. Don't ask me why but they just aren't. I seem to be able to find pretty much every other type (except speckled butter beans and crowder peas) but pintos have been elusive. That is until someone on the Americans in Brisbane group told me to look at a health food store...so, I checked out the nearest Mrs. Flannery's and lo and behold! Got 'em!
Now, Mrs. Flannery's is a nice small 'neighborhood' kind of organic store that's only slightly larger than a 7/11 but it's no Whole Foods Market but I suppose I shall just have to suffer mightily and make do.
But I got pinto beans! I got pinto beans! Got me some pinto beans, oh yeah!
Luckily this foray into cooking refried beans for the first time coincided with our night to have quesadillas...also the first time cooking it. But they turned out great! I tossed the chicken breasts in some taco seasoning, sauteed them bad boys, shredded them, mixed up some cheeses, topped the tortillas with cheese, tomato, chicken, and onions, cooked them till done and served with freshly made pico de gallo (aka salsa cruda) some home made guacamole, and not so home made sour cream lol! Oh yes, and let's not forget the side of refried beans!
Heck I needed something to make me feel better. Ok, so not to make this too long a post but two nights ago C~ put the dog barrier up between the living room and kitchen. It's not a child gate, it's 2 pieces of x-pen that have been ziptied together and can be slotted between wall and book cases on either side of doorway.
I was following C~ into the kitchen at full tilt, completely oblivious to everything and so I missed what was right in front of me and bashed into the gate, taking a huge nose dive onto the tiled kitchen floor with a HUMONGOUS cup of Coke (Coca Cola you naughty minded people!) in hand - which of course, I spilled everywhere including all over myself. My toes got tangled up in the wires of the gate, my knees look like hamburger meat, and I have twisted ankles, toes, and knees. How lovely I must look!
And how STUPID I must feel!!!!!! Oh my god, I feel like a huge moron, but hey it could happen to anyone right?
When it first happened, all I cared about was getting the Coke off me and out of my hair! But then I thought my toes were broken. After bawling my eyes out for about an hour or so and scaring a couple years of both my dog and my husband I was able to take stock, figure out I was not all broken up and didn't need a trip to the ER. What I needed were strong drugs, ice packs, and some Voltaren rubbed into my knees.
So, two days later, I feel a little better after having some attention from the massage therapist and chiropractor, and lots of rest. Now I just look like someone tried to run me over with their car...or at least my knees do. The problem is that if I wear shorts people will see why I'm hobbling and not think I'm all weird and stuff and if I don't wear shorts I'll bet that people will think my husband beat me because I was naughty as evidenced by my hobbly walk and slight hunched over-ness.
But! I have pinto beans!!!!!! And the world is a better place!!!!!
Monday, January 14, 2008
***Sigh*** I guess not. I do suppose there could possibly be some naive person out there who really does want to see if they can make their penis bigger or boobs bigger, even though they proved that those creams didn't work way back in the 70's when they were advertised in the backs of women's mags.
And on that note, something cheerier....I was bitten by a spider on my FACE! Yup, on the right side on my jaw close to my chin. I have a gorgeous reddish purple bruisy looking thing coupled with swollen lymph nodes down the front of my neck.
You know you want to ask how in the world I noticed such a thing? Well, let me tell you. When I woke up yesterday morning I felt a little itchy, on my jaw. Not so normal, but hey, sometimes things get itchy for no reason, right? Hrmph.
Go look in the mirror to see what's what. I notice the horrible double chin. Ok, so maybe I do have a little double chin, there aren't too many of us nearing 40 that don't. But THIS was like a goiter!!!!!!! All the way to my collar bone.
Stunned, I asked C~ what he thought. He saw nothing. Hrmph! Men! They don't notice nothing. Once I ended up with Ronald McDonald red hair after a terrible incident at the salon - don't ask. It's a moment I can't bear to think about. I was scarred for life. Did the Dear Husband notice? Nope, he said it looked nice and shiny. Yeah, ok, nice and shiny I got...but it ain't what I wanted that's for sure.
Got to work this morning. All eyes were riveted on my face. I was asked if I'd called the doc. Nope, I figured it was nothing. Jude dragged me to the mirror. She asked if it looked so reddish purple this morning. Nope I said. Senior supervisor sauntered over. She inspected and declared that I might be unfit for work if I didn't ring the doc asap. So I did. They wanted me in the office asap. No can do I said. Have no car, can't get there from here (funny thing about public transport, some places are nigh impossible to get to)...so I made the appointment for the morning like a good girl.
Hopefully my face won't fall off. At least this isn't like the rash I had 2 weeks ago. At least I could cover that up with a shirt. Don't ask yet, I'll tell all later, but only if I have to.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Doesn't this face look ever so innocent? HAH! Just wait til I tell you of her evil deeds and nefarious plot against our household. She decreed that , "There shall be NO BREAD for the humans to eat!" Yep it's the New Year and what do I have to show for it? Hrmmmm let me see. I think I have some pictures. Not too many, though as I just didn't feel up to it. It's been raining for over a week, which meant that the Christmas Holidays were spent with moi having a tad bit of comfort because it was way cooler than the last 2 years. In fact, according to The Weather Channel,
Today I decided to make some bread, or rather, C~ guilted me into it lol. I'd been after him to get me some stuff to make bread with when he went shopping, and so he did. Lucky me. See, good bread here is kind of 'spensive at around $3.50 per loaf and if ya like artisan bread you can add half to double that. I thought, hey! I have an oven, a bread pan, what the hell? I'll bake some bread, can't be all that hard can it? Nahhhhhhh. And truly it wasn't.
So, first type of "bread' I made were scones or biscuits to us southerners. Not too shabby. I tried "quick bread" made with the same stuff as scones, plus a few other thingies and voila! We had ummmm Scone Bread rofl! Yup tasted just like biscuits made into bread, all it was missing was either bananas and nuts or zucchini and nuts *sigh*.
So, onto "white bread". Ok so it wasn't anything to brag about, a little too dense. So I probably (I'm guessing here) needed to knead it less and perhaps waited for it to rise more on the first go round - recipe says to let it rise, punch down, then shape and place in warm spot to rise again, then bake. Anywho, it was good enough to eat fresh out of the oven with a bit of buttah, slice some mo' and share with puppers. Go get camera to take pretty pitchers...and discover evil foster hound has swiped it off the counter, Tiger looked on
with feigned disinterest until I took it from evil hound and gave half to him. THEN he chowed down like the food hound he is.
*I've edited this so many times and right now Blogger is REALLY giving me the shits over it's complete lack of willingness to obey my simple commands. Grrrrrrr.