Valentine's Day and the Black Dog

I was super wowed last night when C~ got home from work. He brought me my early Valentine's Day pressies!!!! Last year I got Tiger and so as of February 10 he has been with us for one full year. This year (so far) I have gotten a 12 pack of Dr. Pepper....who knew you could get the rot gut here? Certainly not I. I also received my much loved Payday candy bar and also a Butterfingers....yummmmm cannot wait to get into those!

As for this year, I am finally facing up to the fact that I am depressed *sigh*. I should have done something sooner but , of course, waited until it jumped up and bit me on the ass, that DAMN black dog bites hard too! I've been ruminating since I saw Amy's post about it and what she has done so far to help herself and I feel so dumb for waiting.

So, today (after missing a week from work) I appeared at my GP's office and as soon as I sat down I started blubbering like a fool, I'd just had it up to HERE with my so called coping skills. I'm damned coped out. So, we have decided on a course of meds to help a little and also agreed that I will be seeing a psychologist, just have to wait for him to call me back to find out what I need to do since I will be going through the Employee Assistance programme that's been set up for Q. Health employees.

I hate taking medicine, hate it hate it hate it! But if it will help I'm all for it at this point as I just cannot go on. My creativeness has been on the fritz for many months now, I haven't been able to write, I haven't been myself and I want to get back to being ME. You know, the old sarcastic pain in the ass, me. Nevertheless it is me. I want to be creative again. I need to write, I need to do something. I don't want my blog to just disappear because I made a promise to myself that I would not start something and abandon it as I have projects in the past.

So, I'm here promising myself again that I will do whatever it takes, I won't stop until I can be as normal as I possibly can be - for me that just means being able to put more than 3 words together at one time. I've had a spell where sometimes I can't string 3 words together, make complete sentences, etc. I've been too scattered, unable to concentrate, and I am going to fix that asap.

So, now I'm going to check out this cool new recipe I'm going to make for C~ tonight, something about Asian grilled chicken in pitas. Sounds nice and easy to fix, hey?

Baby steps, one day at a time...Imma keep slugging away till I'm cruising.