Saturday, December 23, 2006

Oy vey, it's almost Christmas and I'm too full to move....

What on earth ever possessed me to each so much potato salad? Well, it's my Mama's recipe and for the record, today marks the umpteenth time I've attempted to copy it and I finally got it right!
Oh yeah, it's one of those put a little of this, eyeball this much mayo and mustard, take off all your jewellery and dig in with your hands to mix completely kind of potato salad recipes. WOOT! I SO ROCK!

My Mama makes the best potato salad in the world! Seriously! If you want the recipe, email me and I'll send the list of ingredients, vecause that is all one needs, oh and putting it together in the correct order, I swear that's what makes it taste so good. How does THAT work?

I'm a firm believer in the order of things in life. For instance, when you make a sandwich at home, one layers from bottom to top in this order : meat, cheese (optional), lettuce, tomato, other salad type ingredients. When one goes to a Subway, for instance, they now put all salad type ingredients on the bottom, mayo in the middle, then meat on the top. People tell me to just turn the bread upside down. Have you ever noticed that the seasonings on the Subway bread are on THE TOP? Well, then the meat should go on the farkin BOTTOM!!!! It does NOT taste the same. Trust me. Make 2 sandwiches, one with the way I told you to make as above, then make another as they make in all the sandwich shops now....then taste. See what I mean?

When corporations started years ago to change the way hamburgers, subs, and other sandwiches were made, they changed the order of the universe. Now we are reaping what they have sown. Our Universe is screwed up!!! Global warming happened, polar caps are melting, Hurricanes destroyed our planets most famous city (and my personal favorite, New Orleans), and people wonder why. Well, call me a conspiracy theorist if you like, but it all goes back to the upside down sandwich.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Letters from Bad Santa

Letters from Bad Santa:
(I purloined this list from YDU - thanks Tori - I thought it was just too cute to pass up)

deer santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!



Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!


Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?



Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.


Dear Teddy,

Look - your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let
me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a
family with those?



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
kit, a pony and a tuba.


Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.


Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.


Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deers fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words - Jim Beam.



Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making

Your friend,

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I
give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table.


P.S. Tell your mom she got the part in Long Dong Claus.


Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?


Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
your house.



Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?



That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.



Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?



First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Is it Wednesday ALREADY?

Good GOD! It's Wednesday! How did that happen? Only 5 more days until Christmas! GACK!!!

What have I done to deserve this? I'm losing my mind, I swear I am! Somewhere up there, Someone is keeping score. I just know it. I can never seem to get ahead, in fact at this moment, I need to be getting a shower, getting ,y clothes ready, etc to go to work in 2 hours. Yeah, I'm working the ungodly hours of 11:15 to 8 pm. WTF? Then tomorrow is 7:30 am to 6:30 pm and Friday 7:30 to 4:30.

But then I have 2 weeks off for Christmas, YAY! Really gotta dash! More later...if I can stay awake lol.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Random and Scattered Thoughts

This week has been extremely busy, hence the random, scattered thoughts I'm having. On Friday evening, while I was out for a walk, I saw a Koala for the first time ever in the wild. When I say in the wild, I mean in my local park where I walk pretty much every day. I was just walking along and awakened from my quietude by a rustling in the leaves off to my right and I saw what looked like either a rabbit or something oddly grey and furry kind of hopping along. I stopped to investigate and was rewarded with an amazing sight...a koala slowly climbing a tree and staring stright at me! WOW! How cool! How lucky am I?

So far, I have seen a Goanna which made it's home under the cement walkway through the park until recently. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks, so I assume that he's found a better home. There is also a family of Kookaburras and many Galahs, as well as, Cockatoos. The last link has most Australian birds pictured there, and there are quite a few of them.

It's just amazing being here with the myriad of wildlife that I see all the time, or at least know is out there to be seen. Kangaroos do roam the country, though the only one I have seen in the wild had been, unfortunately, killed by a car. In this part of Queensland we generally have Grey Kangaroos. The big Red ones live out west. Kangaroos are mostly seen as pests and many people eat the meat of culled 'roos. We even have dingoes running around here but I have only seen 2 in a zoo. I didn't even get lucky enough to see one on Fraser Island where they promote dingo sightings as a tourist attraction.

Last night was C~'s uni graduation ceremony. Good grief was I tired! I started my new job last week, but this week I worked full-time, finishing up the 45 hours or so at 12:30 Saturday afternoon. So, I got home, rested a bit then got ready to leave home about 4:30 to arrive 2 hours early for the ceremony, as C~ needed to be there to pick up his robe & cap, and have pictures taken beforehand. It lasted until about 8:30 and by the time we got home we were both exhausted and irritable and didn't want to do anything but sleep...well, sort of lol. We put Clerks 2 on and I fell asleep about half an hour into it and managed to sleep until 8:30 this morning. I'm still not entirely awake and it's after lunch. I don't need coffee I need about 4 or 5 more hours of sleep. Think I'm going to take a nap.

Yep, that's what I'm going to do...nap and sorta watch The Cricket. The Aussies are gonna win The Ashes back from England this year, I just know it! I know, I could I possibly like Cricket, excuse me THE Cricket *wink* as everyone calls it. It's a long and many times boring game, slower than baseball and about as fast as golf. The Test Matches last (on average) 5 days, and then there are the One Dayers and Day/Nighters, but the most exciting are the 20/20 matches which last about 3 hours and very, very fast and exciting. I don't know how I got hooked on it, I just did. I can't explain it so I won't even try. Yeah, I'm still an American Football fan, but American Football is only played on ESPN on Foxtel here in Australia and the games that are shown are the choice of whomever chooses the programs for that channel. So one week I might get to see the Colts and the next it might be The Saints, there's no rhyme or reason to it. Also, the bad thing is that the games are shown in real time which means they're on tv at about 10 am here...and I'm generally working, so I can't really keep up with who's doing what.

Time for a nap, 'nuff said.