Friday, November 03, 2006

Wax is NOT your friend

Ok, I am seriously thinking that tonight and tomorrow are going to be funny. Want to know why? Well, I'll tell you why. I bought some Nads hair removal stuff. C~ is going to help me wax everything. Yep, that's right....EVERYTHING! I am going to start off tonight by using the exfoliant on my legs and "good girl". Tonight we are going to use it on my underarms. It's all the rage here, getting ones armpits waxed. I am so sick and tired of shaving. I've had my eyebrows waxed, yeah it hurts, but what the hell.

I also told C~ that, of course, since he was going to be the one doing it, we may as well go for it all completely and I want a Brazilian wax too. I couldn't stand for a complete stranger to do it, so I'm going to make HIM do it! LOL

Anyway, back to Nads. I found a complete kit that has a little bit of all of their products in it and the cotton strips are washable, so hopefully I will be brave enough to do this again. Think I may need a daquiri before we start. Guess we will have to do it in the afternoon *wink* However, the funny thing about this is that recently I received an email from a friend about doing this very thing. Whoever thought this thing up should be given a Comedy Award of some kind. It is truly hilarious. Sooo, Over to the copied and pasted version of my friends' email.

CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed till I almost cried as I

could just see this happening! (And feel it too!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play
with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind
for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the
medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart
and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I
am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out
the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all
wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop
my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I
apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the
right half of my *whoo-whoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt
cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning,
I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!

Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think
I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,
breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me
so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory
that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on
it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is
now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I
need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming
of a cell door. "whoo-whoo*? Sealed shut!

Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out
what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My
head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water
melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse
the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax?

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied
myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put
in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my
butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but
she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I
should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to
lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It’s sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could

have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...... Now that’s funny ........

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Tomato Pie Recipe

Tomato Pie

1 Pie shell, unbaked

5 large tomatoes sliced

½ tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

3 tsp dried basil (I like to use freshly torn basil leaves is I have them)

*may also substitute dried Italian Seasoning Herb Blend*

Sprinkle of garlic powder *to taste*

¾ cup good mayonnaise (not miracle whip or other sweet type mayo)

1 ¼ cups sharp cheddar cheese

Layer tomatoes, sprinkling each layer with seasonings

Mix mayo & cheese (salt, pepper, garlic, and seasonings may also be added to this to make it taste nicer). Spread mayo/cheese mixture over the top tomatoes. Bake at 350 F for 35-40 minutes on middle rack.

When top is nicely golden brown, it is ready, let cool and serve slightly warm. It keeps well in the fridge, just heat up in the microwave and you have a wonderful snack!

RE: Last post

Ok, last post notwithstanding, I'm generally not given to maudlin or self-pitying behaviour. I should have re-read montchan's post about her being swede-ified. Yep, that one truly made me laugh.

Ok, for all the folks not in the know about that pic I used for last post. That is my parents circa 1968. Dad was leaving for Viet Nam. It was a picture taken by one of those photographer dudes they have for every ship. My dad was in the Navy on the U.S.S. Jouett . The above picture is of my parents now, or as they looked a month ago on their 40th anniversary.

I'm so happy that they have had a good year. This year they got to have their 40th anniversary ( a surprise party) and they also got to take their first REAL vacation in many years. All by themselves, no kids trailing along and they went off to LA to visit some cousins, then on to San Diego (where I was born). THat's where they went to a reunion of the Jouett. Dad got to see lots of guys he spent 4 years with out on the high seas. TO hear him tell it, they didn't see a single day of action, just cooked steaks on hibachis and stole strawberry ice cream....ermmmm, I mean requisitioned the ice cream. Kind of reminds me of an old M*A*S*H* re-run to hear him tell it.

Perhaps one day I'll relate some of those old stories. Perhaps not. Perhaps I'm just being maudlin again.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Shocking and Heart Wrenching Video

I don't think I have ever cried so spontaneously before. The instant I saw this video and heard the music, I started to cry. I knew my parents had just had an anniversary, but to be honest, I couldn't remember exactly which year it was. Turns out that it was their 40th and my sisters had planned a surprise party for them. A party I hadn't heard a thing about. My sisters never call me. I've been told (by them) that it is too expensive for them and they have other things on their plates. I can understand the expensive bit, except for the fact that it costs me more to call them, and I do when I can afford it. They have never, not one single time called me since I moved here to Australia. My mom has called me a few times, my dad only once, and that was at the request of my Granny when she fell and broke her hip - of course, he made certain that I knew that was the only reason he called.

Damnit, I miss my family! I get so homesick at times, but I feel like they have completely forgotten that I exist. Sometimes I feel like they are trying to punish me by not calling or emailing. To be fair, my youngest sister, Jen, has emailed me several times...but I haven't heard from her in a very long time. I miss her so much.

I loved that video. Apparently my brother-in-law , Terry, made it from many pictures taken over the years of my parents. Jen and Terry are such a great couple. They look so good together.

Sheesh, this is Soooo not what I was going to write about today. But I had to get this out of my head, and quickly or I was gonna explode in pain. How can that be? How can it STILL hurt so much to be away from my family? A family that by their own admission (actions do speak louder than words) no longer seem to give a damn about me. Yeah, ok...I KNOW they love me because I am family, I am a daughter, or a sister. But does "blood is thicker than water" really mean anything?

Sure everyone has a family member they joke about...crazy old uncle Joe always gets drunk and silly...that kind of thing...or Cousin Sally, ran off with a voodoo priest to a little island in the Carribean and has 8 kids and raises prize winning bantam chickens, which when they get too old to lay eggs are used in voodoo ceremonies. *snort, chuckle*

Is that me? Am I the wierd family member that no one wants to claim? *wail* But all I did was fall in love with a wonderful man that loves me more than anything on the planet, treats me with respect, would do ANYTHING to make me happy. He even eats vegetables for me! So that makes me the blacksheep? Or is it that I have courage. The courage to take a chance. The courage to step out of the mould that I'd been living in, unhappily I might add, get rid of the wife beating, drug abusing, womanizing bastard I was married to. I figured out that looking 40 at 30 sucked, and it was because of living the life I was told I was supposed to live.

Guess what? Now most people guess my age at 25, and I'm 37. Hah! Shows what happiness will do for a girl. Even if I did have to give up a secure (and boring as hell) life in the burbs to do it. Hrmmm, I think perhaps the word jealousy may fit here. Yep....this is going to really piss some people off (namely family members that read this). Know what? I no longer give a damn. It hurts too much to care. I love my family, I miss them more than I can say. But I love my husband, and I will be where he is...even if we end up in Mozambique in a mud hut...

Yeah, ok, I'd go bitching and moaning the whole way about not having air conditioning and a clothes dryer, oh yes, and no TACO BELL!!!! But I'd go, nonetheless.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Prison Poetry?

Ok, now this is truly wierd. I was checking site meter, right? Just out of curiosity, mostly to see if my mom has checked out my blog. Well, I came across something that truly blew my mind. Someone found me by searching real life prison poems ok, nowI have never EVER written a poem about prison. I also have no earthly idea HOW someone could associate my blog with prison poems. GO figure, huh? THis is the copy of what came under that heading of the msn search bar :


Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme ... onto American soil again will we be stuck in some god-awful prsion ... sure whether or not to laugh, scoff haughtily, taking my life ...

* · Cached page

Life is very very strange sometimes, ain't it? Just what I needed to start off my Halloween *grin*

Monday, October 30, 2006

What I want to be for Halloween

I want to be Captain Underpants for Halloween. C~ says I should be Captain Immigrant....hrmmmm perhaps Immigrant Girl? I dunno. Sounds wierd to me. But what was really funny, I thought, were the girls that got sent home from school for dressing up as Captain Underpants. Yep, they sure did, uh huh uh huh.

Well, I'll tell ya something. I miss Halloween! No one here in Oz celebrates it at all! It's a real darn shame, too. Halloween is SO much fun, for everyone, not just kids.

Am I wrong? What do my dear readers think?

Sunday, October 29, 2006

I have done something terribly responsible O.o

OMG! I can't believe that I've actually done it. I have decided to take on the role of owner & moderator of the yahoo group that I belonged to. It was shut down because of many reasons. One of which being that the former owner just couldn't take it anymore. She was attacked for a few reasons, and unjustly so, in my opinion. I think she felt overwhelmed and didn't feel like subjecting herself to any more abuse from disgruntled members.

I loved that group! It really helped me to adjust after moving here. There were many wonderful people, but a few (namely one) that was finally banned, but by the time that happened, things had just disintegrated beyond belief. I think the heartache was too much.

SO, I decided to re-open it. WOw, after 2 days, it's been quite a bit of work! I just hope I can do as good a job as the former owner did. She was definitely an inspiration.
I will miss her greatly and am very sorry that she has chosen to not take part in the new group. I'm guessing she needs a long break from everything, and I don't blame her a bit.

So, wish me well. It's going to be a difficult time. Hopefully it won't take up too much of my time because I still feel I need to write here as well. Oh boy, my eyes are drooping, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night due to getting a new mattress topper. Ok time for a short nap.