Monday, June 29, 2009

Feeling blue

I just got finished reading a bit of another blog. It made me a little sad. It's a young woman living with her BF. Apparently the 'rents are pressuring them to get married.

All I can say is, "Don't do it!". Never EVER let anyone pressure you to do something so life changing. It is one of the easiest things to do and one of the hardest to UNdo.

In many ways I'll always regret getting married when I was 23. It wasn't so much my age, but I was pretty naive and immature. I just wasn't ready for it, but I did it because that is what a young woman in the south DOES, isn't it? Hrmph I say. I WASTED 12 years of my life because of that one single mistake.

Oh sure, I did love my ex...until he changed. When did he change you might ask. I knew within 24 hours (on our honeymoon) that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. He had me where he wanted me and as far as he, and many other people, was concerned I was stuck. For life. I was screwed.

Oh yeah, he actually told me that the reason he married me was because I was a fantastic cook, he wanted a maid (and live in cook), and someone he could get pussy off any time he wanted it. Yeah, those were his exact words. Charming.

Ok, I learned many things from being married. The biggest lesson I learned, though is to never, ever allow any adult (meaning parents or relatives or friends) to pressure you. Emotional Blackmail is probably the fastest way they can get you to go along with them. It isn't worth it. What if you are with the right person. But what if this just isn't the right time for either of you. You get married, you get unhappy, you get divorced OR you stay miserable for the rest of your life. Marriage should be for life. You must be certain. This is your life not theirs. They've no right to tell you what to do or try in any way to influence your decisions. They cannot live vicariously THROUGH you, either. Tell 'em to get a life and let you get on with living yours. Be free. Just be. Revel in being yourself with only yourself to answer to.

My situation is probably nothing like this woman's but the end result could be the same. Years of heartache. Oh, and once the parents figure out that their little weapon works like a charm, they'll use it anytime they want you to do something, say something, or act a certain way. Been there done that with rellies on BOTH sides, plus the ex, Mr. Not So Charming. The trifecta of guilt.

Ain't I lucky to have gotten out?