Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day and the Black Dog

I was super wowed last night when C~ got home from work. He brought me my early Valentine's Day pressies!!!! Last year I got Tiger and so as of February 10 he has been with us for one full year. This year (so far) I have gotten a 12 pack of Dr. Pepper....who knew you could get the rot gut here? Certainly not I. I also received my much loved Payday candy bar and also a Butterfingers....yummmmm cannot wait to get into those!

As for this year, I am finally facing up to the fact that I am depressed *sigh*. I should have done something sooner but , of course, waited until it jumped up and bit me on the ass, that DAMN black dog bites hard too! I've been ruminating since I saw Amy's post about it and what she has done so far to help herself and I feel so dumb for waiting.

So, today (after missing a week from work) I appeared at my GP's office and as soon as I sat down I started blubbering like a fool, I'd just had it up to HERE with my so called coping skills. I'm damned coped out. So, we have decided on a course of meds to help a little and also agreed that I will be seeing a psychologist, just have to wait for him to call me back to find out what I need to do since I will be going through the Employee Assistance programme that's been set up for Q. Health employees.

I hate taking medicine, hate it hate it hate it! But if it will help I'm all for it at this point as I just cannot go on. My creativeness has been on the fritz for many months now, I haven't been able to write, I haven't been myself and I want to get back to being ME. You know, the old sarcastic pain in the ass, me. Nevertheless it is me. I want to be creative again. I need to write, I need to do something. I don't want my blog to just disappear because I made a promise to myself that I would not start something and abandon it as I have projects in the past.

So, I'm here promising myself again that I will do whatever it takes, I won't stop until I can be as normal as I possibly can be - for me that just means being able to put more than 3 words together at one time. I've had a spell where sometimes I can't string 3 words together, make complete sentences, etc. I've been too scattered, unable to concentrate, and I am going to fix that asap.

So, now I'm going to check out this cool new recipe I'm going to make for C~ tonight, something about Asian grilled chicken in pitas. Sounds nice and easy to fix, hey?

Baby steps, one day at a time...Imma keep slugging away till I'm cruising.

1 comment:

Mooselet said...

Good on you for recognizing your symptoms and doing something about it. I'm only sorry Winston left my place to come over to yours.

Hang in there, chickie! As my father used to say, don't let the turkeys get you down.