Sunday, February 17, 2008

On the mend

It's Sunday night here and the weekend has gone well so far. Each day is a little better. I'm not sure if it's the medicines or just the attitude. As if something inside snapped when I broke down and cried and from there it's just going to slowly get better.

I've had times like this in the past, times I can look back on and think Yep, THAT was the turning point. I'll never forget one of the most poignant was back in 97, when I discovered the ex was cheating on me. I remember looking in the mirror and what I saw scared the hell out of me... my eyes looked dead, just totally lifeless and I thought to myself, "This is the beginning of the end", and it was. How weird it it that I can remember the exact thoughts that ran through my mind at the time?

Anyway, back to this weekend. I've kept busy, cooked a bit. Made chicken and dumplings yesterday - home made dumplings with my own herbs... sage, basil, and chives that I grew here this year for the first time. Couldn't grow tomatoes for shit but the herbs came out great! I made a pan of lasagna tonight... C~ has never had lasagna made with ricotta cheese before. Here I guess everyone uses a bechamel sauce. It isn't that I don't like bechamel sauce but I prefer ricotta in lasagna, the way it was made when I was growing up.

As for sleep, I'm doing well considering I'm off the sleeping tablets - for the first time in 2 yrs. Back home I just took Melatonin tabs, but they aren't available in Oz (except in homeopathic strength which do nothing for me) so I'd been taking a Tricyclic antidepressant which has been used for ages as a sleep aid, and it also helps with back pain...but not so much here lately. So I've swapped to OTC Unisom tabs which are basically benadryl to see how I go with that since taking the TCA isn't recommended with Prozac - yup I'm taking Prozac. I've taken it before with good success and my only side effect was slightly elevated cholesterol, so we'll see how I go this time. I also start seeing a therapist this week.

Yes, I have issues. Don't we all? I think my issues have just come back to haunt me for a little while, at least I hope so...the little while bit, I don't like being haunted by anything LOL! Haven't had anymore nightmares since Thursday - Thank God! Those puppies were getting a tad too disturbing for my taste. Heck ANY dream with my ex in it is a nightmare, but when it gets to the point I'm dreaming he's holding me hostage and I'm trying to kill him with my bare hands....well enough already.

Yeah the dreams were so bad I wasn't getting more than 2 hours sleep at a time , my IBS kicked up full throttle - which it hasn't done in nearly 5 years - and on top of everything I got my period!!!! FRACKIN HELLFIRE!!!!!!! Can you say, "Straw that broke the camel's back?"

So anywho, I'm taking the tiger by the tail...and NO not MY Tiger silly goose, THE tiger and I swear I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel....errrr maybe that's a speck of dust? Not sure, but Imma keep going anyway.


IHateToast said...

lasagna without ricotta? what?!

Pearl Maple said...

Yeah! For lasagne with ricotta instead of white sauce - yuck

Bummers melatonin is not available in Oz, I always bring some back with me - they work so well

Blogs can be fun for all kinds of reasons, like keeping in touch with friends & family scattered all over the place and making new friends.

Good luck in settling your black dog, it is hard to cope with all the things that life throws at us on a good day but when you factor in a cultural exchange program, that is a whole lot of coping.