Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Shocking and Heart Wrenching Video

I don't think I have ever cried so spontaneously before. The instant I saw this video and heard the music, I started to cry. I knew my parents had just had an anniversary, but to be honest, I couldn't remember exactly which year it was. Turns out that it was their 40th and my sisters had planned a surprise party for them. A party I hadn't heard a thing about. My sisters never call me. I've been told (by them) that it is too expensive for them and they have other things on their plates. I can understand the expensive bit, except for the fact that it costs me more to call them, and I do when I can afford it. They have never, not one single time called me since I moved here to Australia. My mom has called me a few times, my dad only once, and that was at the request of my Granny when she fell and broke her hip - of course, he made certain that I knew that was the only reason he called.

Damnit, I miss my family! I get so homesick at times, but I feel like they have completely forgotten that I exist. Sometimes I feel like they are trying to punish me by not calling or emailing. To be fair, my youngest sister, Jen, has emailed me several times...but I haven't heard from her in a very long time. I miss her so much.

I loved that video. Apparently my brother-in-law , Terry, made it from many pictures taken over the years of my parents. Jen and Terry are such a great couple. They look so good together.

Sheesh, this is Soooo not what I was going to write about today. But I had to get this out of my head, and quickly or I was gonna explode in pain. How can that be? How can it STILL hurt so much to be away from my family? A family that by their own admission (actions do speak louder than words) no longer seem to give a damn about me. Yeah, ok...I KNOW they love me because I am family, I am a daughter, or a sister. But does "blood is thicker than water" really mean anything?

Sure everyone has a family member they joke about...crazy old uncle Joe always gets drunk and silly...that kind of thing...or Cousin Sally, ran off with a voodoo priest to a little island in the Carribean and has 8 kids and raises prize winning bantam chickens, which when they get too old to lay eggs are used in voodoo ceremonies. *snort, chuckle*

Is that me? Am I the wierd family member that no one wants to claim? *wail* But all I did was fall in love with a wonderful man that loves me more than anything on the planet, treats me with respect, would do ANYTHING to make me happy. He even eats vegetables for me! So that makes me the blacksheep? Or is it that I have courage. The courage to take a chance. The courage to step out of the mould that I'd been living in, unhappily I might add, get rid of the wife beating, drug abusing, womanizing bastard I was married to. I figured out that looking 40 at 30 sucked, and it was because of living the life I was told I was supposed to live.

Guess what? Now most people guess my age at 25, and I'm 37. Hah! Shows what happiness will do for a girl. Even if I did have to give up a secure (and boring as hell) life in the burbs to do it. Hrmmm, I think perhaps the word jealousy may fit here. Yep....this is going to really piss some people off (namely family members that read this). Know what? I no longer give a damn. It hurts too much to care. I love my family, I miss them more than I can say. But I love my husband, and I will be where he is...even if we end up in Mozambique in a mud hut...

Yeah, ok, I'd go bitching and moaning the whole way about not having air conditioning and a clothes dryer, oh yes, and no TACO BELL!!!! But I'd go, nonetheless.

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